07 December 2006

Shit Music

While Christmas shopping I came across this useful item – the iCarta Stereo Dock… really.

Here’s the description on this little gem:

NEW! The king of all iPod docking stations! Why do we call it the king? Because it's the only docking station made especially for the "throne" room. One-of-a-kind unit plays your iPod while also charging it, so you can take your music anywhere (and we do mean ANYWHERE!). Includes a bath tissue holder - perfect for the man who has everything. Moisture-proof construction with four built-in speakers. Includes AC adapter. 8 1/4"L x 3 2/3"H x 7 1/2"D. Arms fold when not in bathroom use. iPod not included.

This hotel’s got bathroom telephones and an iPod dock next to the shitter.

Let’s have a good look at this interesting new listing, likely featured in the Den for Men, Skymall or other fine retail establishments where the chia pet is also sold.

First, it states that this one of a kind unit plays your iPod while it charges the battery – how long does this take? Most battery chargers I’m familiar with take hours not minutes to charge - unless I've been going to the bathroom wrong all these years. How does the charging work? Does the turning motion of the convenient toilet paper dispenser charge the battery somehow? Oh, it has an AC adapter… good thing – now when was the last time you saw an electrical outlet next to the toilet? I'm pretty sure there’s actually building codes in effect that prevents these type of conveniences from turning into a tragedy. If you have your heart set on it though... be sure to order the iXtension Cord with your toilet dock.

Second, it includes a bath tissue holder – perfect for the man who has everything... yeah, everything… except maybe taste. Is the man that has everything really the right target for this product? I submit that perhaps the man who doesn’t have anything would be a better target, as this would knock a few things off the list all at once.

It goes on...

Moisture-proof construction – what does that even mean? I can only assume that the workers were kept dry while they manufactured it. I guess it’s assurance for those that don’t aim so well.

Four built-in speakers. I should hope so, for $99 US I would expect it to have built in speakers… hell, it should pitch in with some of the paper work for that price. At that price it can’t even be used as a joke gift for most people - which is what I would consider it.

Arms fold when not in bathroom use – whos arms? No big woop - mine fold all the time.

Truthfully, this could be a useful product, afterall, there’s a lot of music I’ve heard that makes me want to defecate.

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